Marriage and Family Acceptance (Teachings of the Orthodox Church)

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You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery;' but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members should perish, than for your whole body to be cast into Gehenna. If your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off, and throw it away from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members should perish, than for your whole body to be cast into Gehenna. 'It was also said, 'Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce,' but I tell you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the cause of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery. 'Again you have heard that it was said to them of old time, 'You shall not make false vows, but shall perform to the Lord your vows,' but I tell you, don't swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is the throne of God; nor by the earth, for it is the footstool of his feet; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Neither shall you swear by your head, for you can't make one hair white or black. But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No.' Whatever is more than these is of the evil one. 'You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.'* But I tell you, don't resist him who is evil; but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. If anyone sues you to take away your coat, let him have your cloak also. Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and don't turn away him who desires to borrow from you. 'You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor,* and hate your enemy.*' But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven.

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	Marriage and Family Acceptance (Teachings of the Orthodox Church)

QUESTION:

My fiance is Orthodox, and I am not. I am not interested in converting, but I respect and honor his religion because I honor him. We have dated for five years and he accepts my philosphies.

The difficulty is his family; they refuse to even acknowledge me. They are immigrants who have lived in America for 50 years. They will not meet me and have never invited me into their home. I plan to let my husband raise our children in the Orthodox Church and send them to church school weekly if he wishes.

Is it not sinful to treat a fellow human this way? Is it not sinful to try to damage a marriage? Other than converting, do you have any advice?

ANSWER:

Since I do not know you personally and I do not know that much about your situation, other than what you have shared in your e-mail, I cannot comment on specifics.

I can say that "walling" oneself off from others is indeed sinful. In some ways it constitutes emotional murder, so to speak, inasmuch as by refusing to acknowledge your presence and existence, the family is refusing to recognize the presence of God in another human being, as scripture commands us to do.

Perhaps reading the epistle read at the marriage service (Eph 5:20-33) might offer some ideas as to how you should proceed.

I might also recommend that you and your fiance speak to the priest at the Orthodox parish in which you wish to be married. It would seem that unless this situation is somehow resolved before the wedding it may become a bone of contention for years to come.

Published in January 2011.

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