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By Margaret,
I was going through a nervous breakdown. Monstrous fears and a terrible sense of alienation overtook me. Sometimes I was afraid I would even do myself harm. Only those who have gone through such a crisis can understand the appalling horror of my condition; and since this was not the first time I found myself in such a state, I feared I would suffer the final defeat and go mad. My fears grew so great that I began to dread going out of my house alone. My family was afraid that I would close myself off completely from the normal world and cease to function in society. True, I made efforts to overcome this fear, but often I would walk out of the house only to turn right back again. My fears were stronger than anything I could muster to counter them. I had already seen several psychologists. They told me that I had to learn to help myself. But alas! I was unable to do this, and so my hopes of freeing myself from my phobias gradually faded. But God did not forget me! Thanks in great part to my dear mother’s steadfast prayers, I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. I felt God’s grace entering my life. All this time my mother prayed the rosary daily and did a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament. We began to ask people in various parishes to intercede for me during Holy Mass. One Sunday we attended Mass at the Dominican parish in Warsaw’s Sluzew district. There I heard an inspired word, which seemed to address my situation concretely. I understood that divine word to mean that I was not suffering from a mental illness. (The very thought of insanity used to put me in a panic and paralyze me.) For me the Word of God was a surety. Since God Himself knew my problem and described it so precisely, I suddenly felt fresh hope within me. I realized then how important and valuable it was to have hope: hope for a better tomorrow, for the dawning of a Resurrection in the life of every person — in my own life. God then led me to a woman with a special vocation for intercessory prayer. As soon as I obtained her number from the Bonifrater Monastery, I called her up; and the following day I was already at prayer. My hope was growing stronger, and I began to feel better. But private prayer was not enough in a situation like mine. Almost every evening my mother and I went to Holy Mass. It was there that I offered up to Jesus the events of the past day and asked for His love and strength for the next. And today when I look at myself and at others I can see that I really did receive that love! Thanks to Jesus, the person who had once felt so alienated, has become more open and adept at making friends. For it is God who changes people. Only when God stands in first place, do we begin to find friends and all those things we so desperately yearn for. I would still require many more prayers before I was fully healed, and in this I am especially grateful to my priest and all my intercessors. Step by step, God has transformed my thoughts and filled my heart and mind with peace, light, and hope. My gratitude to God knows no bounds. He has freed and healed me. He came to my rescue when all hope of my ever getting better had died. None of us, neither I, nor my loved ones, nor my specialists had any hope left. Praised be Almighty God! He rescued me and restored my life. Of course, this is not say that things are perfect now. New problems arise, but I know now that God heals everything and changes things for the better. Whenever life becomes difficult, I recall that time of my life when I was so afflicted. I recall the grace of faith I received then, along the certainty that everything depends on God. All we have to do is surrender ourselves to Him, and He will see to it that good comes out of the bad. Sometimes He makes us wait before He comes with His help. Sometimes all seems lost, but in the end He always comes through. I thank God for all the people He has placed in my path, and for their prayers My experience has taught me how important it is to have another person close to you. In our fast-paced age of rampant consumerism and using people as objects, this is particularly worth remembering. Praise the Lord God! Alleluja!
Margaret
Published in February 2012.
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