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By Testimony,
I wanted to break free from all of it. I was looking for true love and everyday joy, I just wanted to be happy.
When I came across Love One Another! and read it for the first time, I was surprised that I had never heard about it before. I thought that the Movement of Pure Hearts might be what I had been seeking for a long time! It is also a community, and I was really yearning to join one. When I read about undergoing Jesus Christ’s treatment and being healed by him, my heart was filled with new hope. For about three years, I had been praying and looking for a way to heal the many wounds I had inflicted on myself since my childhood. It was when I started masturbating, but I did not know what it was called and that it was a sin. Later, it was also connected with pornography. I had been addicted to those two sins for several years and I did not even realize that…
It was not the only problem I had to face. It was particularly hard in my junior high school: I was teased and bullied by my schoolmates. My self-esteem was shattered; I was cowed, I felt lonely, ugly and miserable. I suffered from anorexia and I started drinking alcohol. I also found it extremely difficult to make friends, especially with men. As I desperately wanted to be loved by a man, I got entangled in a number of complicated and tempestuous relationships. I did not respect myself; I would do almost anything to be loved and not abandoned. I was still very young when I started to abuse my body sexually, mainly with one boy who was much older than me. Now I am extremely grateful to the Lord that he miraculously saved me from “going all the way” (and it was very close to it). Although I went to church throughout all this time and considered myself a believer, I had never found God’s love. Fortunately, God knew me and never left me alone. He would talk to me through people I met along the way and, above all, through a growing desire to change my life that he would arouse in my heart. I wanted to break free from all of it. I was looking for true love and everyday joy, I just wanted to be happy. God would offer me various opportunities, like the Meeting of Youth in Wołczyn, a pilgrimage to Częstochowa, healing Masses and retreats, and he kept working slowly in my heart. I would read and listen about him more and more, learn about him and get to know him better. And he kept healing me. The more my life was filled with his presence, the more beautiful it was getting. Now I read the Bible, which would have never even crossed my mind three years ago, I say the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and I have really started building a relationship with Jesus! It is so beautiful, especially that it has an immense impact on my life! It is now for about a year that I have not been masturbating or watching pornography. Although I have had my downs, they happen less often, and when temptations come, I can resist them with God’s help. I am not depressed any more, and I feel less anxious. Now I find it easier to talk to people, have friends, and enjoy my everyday life. I feel like living and loving people, I see my beauty and value, and my body is beautiful to me. I have also started to pursue my passion. I am developing, infecting others with my hope, and working to make my dreams come true. I have already been given so much and I still am, but I realize that there is a lot to be healed in me so that I may live in complete love. I have been captivated by the sentence: “If you wish to heal your past, make your present chaste”, and this is what I want to open up to by joining the MPH. I do believe it is possible and that is why I am asking for your blessing.
Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2017/2017-40/the-joy-in-everyday-life The above article was published with permission from Miłujcie się! in May 2021. Read more Christian articles (English)
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