She is His Light

By Fr. Mieczysław Piotrowski S.Chr.,
Love One Another! 2017-39
Faith

If I ever become a Saint – I will surely be one of “darkness”. I will continually be absent from Heaven – to light the light of those in darkness on earth (St. Mother Teresa).

Jesus asked St. Mother Teresa to be the light of his love for people plunged in the darkness of sin. For this mission, he prepared her by leading her through the dark night of the soul and participation in his suffering among the olive trees in Gethsemane and on the slopes of Golgotha.

Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (St. Mother Teresa) was born on August 27, 1910, in Skopje, to a well-to-do Albanian family. After her 18th birthday in 1928, she left for Dublin where she began her postulancy with the Sisters of Loreto. She received her monastic habit and name: Mary Teresa of the Infant Jesus. After several months, she was sent to India. In Darjeeling, in the foothills of the Himalayas, she started her novitiate and after two years, on May 24, 1931, she took her first monastic vows. She worked as a teacher: she taught history and geography in a Catholic girls’ school in Entally near Calcutta. On May 24, 1937, she took her eternal vows – with great joy, she entrusted herself to Jesus for the rest of her life by becoming his bride.

Give oneself up to God completely

In April of 1942, St. Mother Teresa took a private vow to give unto God whatever he asked for: “do not withhold anything from him.” She wrote: “Why must we give ourselves fully to God? Because God has given Himself to us. If God who owes nothing to us is ready to impart to us no less than Himself, shall we answer with just a fraction of ourselves? To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God Himself. I for God and God for me. I live God and give up my own self, and in this way induce God to live for me. Therefore to possess God we must allow Him to possess our soul.”

Mother Teresa wished to unite completely in an inseparable love shared with the beloved Jesus. She was convinced that true freedom can be offered only by love. An unconditional giving of oneself up to God and fulfilling his will was the source of utmost joy for her. Even the smallest acts, she completed with love. She said: “Do not look for great things, but do small things with great love. The smaller the thing, the greater our love must be.” Everything she did was an opportunity to show love.

Be not afraid!

On September 10, 1946, St. Mother Teresa was travelling by train for a retreat in Darjeeling. During the trip, while she was praying, she heard the voice of Jesus for the first time. Since then, for six months, she had mystic meetings with him every day. For Mother Teresa, it was a remarkable period of an absolutely undeserved gift from God of his palpable presence and love. In this mystic dialogue with Mother Teresa, Jesus revealed to her his infinite love but also a great pain which consumed him caused by the fact that he was rejected and ignored by so many. Jesus asked her to leave the Sisters of Loreto and go to the streets of Calcutta to serve the poorest of the poor. Christ said: “I want Indian Nuns, Missionaries of Charity, who would be my fire of love amongst the poor, the sick, the dying and the little children (…) Give me the souls of the poor little street children. How it hurts, if you only knew, to see these poor children soiled with sin. I long for the purity of their love.”

On another occasion, Jesus said: “You have become my Spouse for my Love-you have come to India for Me. (…) Your vocation is to love and suffer and save souls and by taking this step you will fulfill my Heart’s desire for you. That is your vocation.”

“Do not look for great things, but do small things with great love. The smaller the thing, the greater our love must be” (St. Mother Teresa)

Jesus asked Mother Teresa to carry him “to the holes these poor people lived in […] to their dark, unhappy homes” to be his light. This was reason for the desire to reveal the Lord to the poor, to enable them to see him in her dedication and love for him, so that they would come to know and accept him. Jesus encouraged the nun to not be afraid to embark on the new mission, because her fears greatly hurt him. He proclaimed that on the new mission she would suffer a lot but at the same time he assured her: “but remember I am with you. – Even if the whole world rejects you – remember you are My own – and I am yours only. Fear not. It is I.” The only condition Mother Teresa was to fulfill was absolute obedience: “Only obey – obey very cheerfully and promptly and without any questions – just only obey. I shall never leave you – if you obey.”

One day Mother Teresa had a vision: she saw a great crowd of poor, suffering people and children. All of them stretched their hands to her, asking her to take them to Jesus. The future saint was kneeling next to Our Lady who told her: “Take care of them – they are mine – bring them to Jesus. Carry Jesus to them – Fear not. Teach them to say the Rosary – the family Rosary and all will be well. – Fear not – Jesus and I will be with you and your children.” At that moment, Mother Teresa saw Jesus hanging from the cross. The Savior said: “I have asked you. They have asked you and she, My Mother, has asked you. Will you refuse to do this for me – to take care of them, to bring them to me?” Without hesitation, Mother Teresa answered: “You know, Jesus, I am ready to go at a moment’s notice.” After returning from the retreat in Darjeeling, Mother Teresa was transferred from Calcutta to a Loreto convent in Asansol. During her half-year stay there, she experienced the indescribable joy of union with Jesus. She wrote that in Asansol “as if Our Lord just gave Himself to me – to the full. The sweetness & consolation & union of those 6 months passed but too soon.”

New mission

Mother Teresa informed in detail her confessor and Archbishop Perier about Jesus’ request to found the Congregation of Sisters of Missionaries of Charity. On August 8, 1948, Mother Teresa received an indult from the Vatican, in which Pope Pious XII granted her permission to leave the Loreto Sisters and embark on a mission to found a new congregation. This petite woman, wearing a white sari, in utter poverty, set out on her mission as a missionary of charity. Her greatest treasure was an absolute certainty of faith that Jesus would keep his promise that he had made to her two years previously.

On December 21, 1948, Mother Teresa went to the slums for the first time. She visited and nursed the sick in their dark shanties and houses and gave aid to the poor in various parts of Calcutta. She was helped by some volunteers and in a short time she was joined by several of her former pupils. By June 1950, the congregation had already numbered 12 sisters.

Mother Teresa with her sisters often encountered homeless people dying in the streets of Calcutta and for this reason she started to look for a house in which she would be able to care for them and make sure that they die in dignity. The authorities of Calcutta offered her a pilgrim shelter, which she called Nirma Hridaj (Pure Heart) – in honor of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. The house for the dying opened on August 22, 1952. Mother Teresa considered it a treasure of her Congregation. She wrote: “Love demands sacrifice. But if we love until it hurts, God will give us His peace and joy… Suffering in itself is nothing; but suffering shared with Christ’s Passion is a wonderful gift.”

The darkness of soul and yearning for God gave Mother Teresa so great a pain that it seemed to her that she was experiencing the reality of hell

Dark night of faith

Since the day Mother Teresa began her work as a missionary of charity, she had begun to experience “so terrible a darkness, as if everything had died.” She wrote: “Sometimes the pain was so great that I feel as if everything will break (…) I did not know that love could make one suffer so much.” This great suffering was caused by the feeling of the absence of the beloved God and the longing for him. In a letter to Archbishop Perier, Mother Teresa wrote: “Pray for me – for within me everything is icy cold. It is only that blind faith that carries me through for in reality to me all is darkness.” Despite these hardships, she entirely gave herself up to Christ. “I am longing – with a painful longing to be all for God – to be holy in such a way that Jesus can live His life to the full in me (…). I want to love Him as He has not been loved – and yet there is that separation – that terrible emptiness, that feeling of absence of God”. Mother Teresa asked for prayer so that God would take away this darkness from her soul if only for a few days. She wrote: “For sometimes the agony of desolation is so great and at the same time the longing for the Absent One so deep, that the only prayer which I can still say is – Sacred Heart of Jesus I trust in Thee – I will satiate Thy thirst for souls.” With regards to how she felt, it seemed to her that Jesus had turned away from her. She felt profound loneliness, an incredibly painful feeling of being separated from God and from people whom she specially trusted.

The darkness of soul and yearning for God gave Mother Teresa so great a pain that it seemed to her that she was experiencing the reality of hell. She wrote: “I understand a little the tortures of hell-without God. I have no words to express what to say, and yet last First Friday – knowingly and willingly I offered to the Sacred Heart –to pass even eternity in this terrible suffering, if this would give Him now a little more pleasure – or the love of a single soul.” She added: “I find no words to express the depths of the darkness. In spite of it all – I am His little one – and I love Him – not for what He gives – but for what He takes.”

In one of her prayers, Mother Teresa said to Jesus: “The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. Where is my faith? Even deep down, right in, there is nothing but emptiness & darkness. My Godhow painful is this unknown pain. It pains without ceasing […]. In spite of all-this darkness and emptiness is not as painful as the longing for God. The contradiction I fear will unbalance me. What are You doing My God to one so small? When You asked to imprint Your Passion on my heartis this the answer? If this brings You glory, if You get a drop of joy from this-if souls are brought to You-if only suffering satiates Your Thirsthere I am Lord, with joy I accept all to the end of life – and I will smile at Your Hidden Face – always.”

One must remember that the spiritual darkness enveloped the life of Mother Teresa after a long period of a joyful union with God. It is for this reason that the spiritual void and absence of the sense of Jesus’ closeness and love were exceptionally painful and agonizing for her. With the help of her spiritual director, she understood that through her suffering she participated in the passion and agony of Christ, which are manifested in the sick and dying.

“He has borne our infirmities”

Through the terrible suffering of the dark night of the soul, Jesus introduced Mother Teresa to the mystery of his agony on the cross. Jesus Christ, the true God and a true man, took upon himself from the history of every human being all suffering and sins. “He has borne our infirmities and carried our diseases; […] he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities” (Isa 53:4-5). Jesus, who was absolutely innocent, experienced on the cross what a terrible suffering sin is. It can be said that during the passion on the cross Jesus became sin (cf. 2 Cor 5:21), taking over the sins, suffering and death of every man. In agony, when he cries out: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt 27:46), Jesus’ suffering reaches its zenith. He, the true God and a true man, in his human consciousness experiences the horrifying consequences of people’s sins – the sense of the absence of the Father. This is the greatest suffering: the experience of total darkness, void, loneliness and lack of love.

Jesus asked Mother Teresa to carry him “to the holes these poor people lived in […] to their dark, unhappy homes” to be his light

No man can survive such suffering as the Son of God experienced during his passion and death. St. Edith Stein writes that “no human mind can fathom the inscrutable mystery of the dying Son of God being forsaken by God. But Jesus sometimes lets his chosen ones taste this internal bitterness. It is shared by his most faithful friends, being the final test of their love. If they do not step back in fear and let themselves be led into this dark night, it will become their guide: »O guiding night! O night more lovely than the dawn! O night that has united the Lover with his beloved, transforming the beloved in her Lover« (St. John of the Cross, The Dark Night). This is the great experience of the cross: internal abandonment and at the same time – in this abandonment – union with the Crucified. […] The cross and night are the way to the light from heaven: this is the joyful message of the cross” (The Science of the Cross).

Dying, Jesus also uttered the words: “I am thirsty” (John 19:28). Mother Teresa explained that Jesus thirsted for “our love, tenderness, deep affection towards Him and to go through His Passion with Him […]. The word “I thirst” – she wrote – will remain meaningless if with complete trust I will not give everything to Jesus.”

I rejoice in suffering

Feeling the appalling spiritual loneliness, void and pain, Mother Teresa was able, solely through the power of her will, to unite with the Crucified, continue in prayer, establish a personal contact with Christ in the daily Eucharist, adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, meditation of the Holy Scriptures, praying the rosary and serving the poorest of the poor. In her suffering, she united with Jesus’ cross and offered her pain for the poor whom she served. The dark night of soul weakened not her faith, trust in God and missionary zeal. She accepted this spiritual suffering as a gift of conjoining in the suffering of Christ for the salvation of sinners. She succumbed, body and mind, to the holy will of God.

Experiencing such immense suffering, she resolved to be a saint according to the Heart of Jesus, meek and humble, and become an apostle of joy.

In October 1958, Mother Teresa prayed for a clear sign whether God accepted the work of the missionaries of charity. The reply was incredible. As she writes herself: “There and then disappeared that long darkness, that pain of loss – of lonelinessof that strange suffering of ten years. Today my soul is filled with love with joy untold – with an unbroken union of love”. This consolation lasted a month. When the darkness of faith returned, this is what Mother Teresa wrote to Archbishop Perier: “Our Lord thought it better for me to be in the tunnel – so He is gone again-leaving me alone. – I am grateful to Him for the month of love He gave me.” Mother Teresa knew that through the spiritual darkness and the immense suffering it entailed she took part in the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus. Therefore, the darkness of the soul she had experienced was the bond of mystery, of love, joining her to Jesus in his agony for the salvation of the world.

Do not allow yourselves to be overwhelmed by worry or sadness, only believe in the joy of the resurrection

God granted her immense grace. Uniting with the Crucified, she was very content and was always smiling. Despite the fact that the darkness did not lift and the pain did not subside, she was already partaking in the joy of resurrection. She repeated after St. Paul: “I am now rejoicing in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the Church” (Col 1:24). Mother Teresa explained to her sisters: “The joy of loving Jesus comes from the joy of sharing in His sufferings. So do not allow yourself to be troubled or distressed, but believe in the joy of the Resurrection. In all of our lives, as in the life of Jesus, the Resurrection has to come, the joy of Easter has to dawn.” While in a letter to a friend, she wrote: “Sorrow, suffering, Eileen, is but a kiss of Jesus, so that He can kiss you. So let us be happy when Jesus stoops down to kiss us.” Thanks to her conjoining in Christ’s suffering, Mother Teresa and her sisters’ work has become the work of Christ, a part of Redemption. The Congregation of Missionaries of Charity she founded numbers now over 5,000 sisters who work among the most destitute in over 600 centres in 127 countries of the world.

“I have never refused you anything”

In late 1989, Mother Teresa’s health greatly deteriorated. In December, she had a pacemaker implanted. In her last years, she was given permission to keep the Blessed Sacrament in her room. She wanted to be as close as possible to Jesus in moments of great suffering. A few days before she died, she said: “Jesus, I have never refused you anything.” In spite of her physical suffering, she radiated love and joy. She told her sisters: “Don’t worry. Mother can do much more for you when I am in heaven (…). I only ask you to love one another as Jesus loves each one of you – for in loving one another you only love Jesus…” On September 5, 1997, after 8:00 p.m., Mother Teresa felt a strong pain in her back and had problem breathing. A priest and a doctor were summoned. The missionary of charity departed for the house of the Father at 9:30 p.m.

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor 2:9). The example of Mother Teresa’s life makes us aware that to be able to assist in the salvation of people who live without God and in spiritual and material poverty, it is necessary to take upon oneself a portion of their suffering and be one with them. Only then will we be able to bring them to God.

And in our selves, we ought to remember that our bonds with God are decided by our will, not emotions. When one is beset by a reluctance to pray, this reluctance and any other suffering need to be offered to Jesus. And one has simply to continue praying. St. Mother Teresa appeals to each of us: „Love the prayer – revive in yourself the need for frequent prayer during the day and just do it. If you want to pray better, you should pray often. The Prayer will expand your heart until it becomes able to provide enough space for the gift of God, for God himself.”

Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2017/2017-39/she-is-his-light

The above article was published with permission from Miłujcie się! in April 2021.

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