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By Testimony,
I was repeatedly told I was a loser, that my father had left us when he learned I was to be born and that it was my fault.
I would have never thought that I would be writing a testimony of my turning over a new leaf, which I owe to the Queen of the Holy Rosary – the Virgin Mary. I shall start from the beginning. My father deserted our mother when she was pregnant with me. My sister was then only several months old. I was a difficult and hyperactive child. I always wanted to be good but despite my efforts I did others more harm than good. My family did not mention faith or God to me. Mom told me to attend church services, but she never did. Perhaps because she entered into a civil marriage with another man after my father had abandoned her for another woman? I did not feel then that God was anywhere close to me. My First Holy Communion and Confirmation did not mean much to me, because I did not understand their sense. I remember my grade school as a period of losing streak and bullying by some students and teachers. I was repeatedly told I was a loser, that my father had left us when he learned I was to be born and that it was my fault. A female teacher treated me badly, because I came from a poor family. She would repeat that my place was in an “S” school, one for mentally disabled children. And perhaps I would have landed in one, had it not been for tests I took in a psychological- pedagogical counseling center. They showed that I was a smart kid but a lazy one. Already as a teenager, I turned to alcohol and started fights. First – though I had been beaten myself at school and at home – I was afraid to beat others lest I harmed somebody. Unfortunately, after a long period of humiliation and physical violence at the hands of my peers, something inside me snapped. A wave of aggression swelled in me. I liked the first fight a lot, actually I enjoyed it. At last I showed my strength and it was me who harmed others and not me who was harmed. Since that time my life had changed completely. From a hung-up, weak boy, I changed into a tough guy nobody dared to mess with. I got addicted to smoking, drinking and fights. This was the purpose of my life: to show everybody that I was worth something. This is how I saw “being somebody” then. In the end, I stopped distinguishing between good and evil… I finished grade school and went to a vocational school but in the middle of the second grade I dropped out. Having fallen into bad company, I began to steal. I took money from my mom’s wallet and even carried away things from our home. Mom loved us the way she knew how. But how could she give us true love when she had never felt loved, neither at her family home nor in marriage? The civil marriage that produced my half-sister did not bring my mom the happiness she yearned so much for. It was one of her disappointments and ended in separation. My stepfather drank a lot and beat mom; I used to get a licking, too. When mom kicked him out, I thought it would be all right from then on. We then got a new place to live, a better one, at least for those times. It was then, however, that Mom began to drink. She drowned her sorrows and weakness in drink. She would go out and return late at night. I remember, myself being a teenager, going out many times to look for her around the village. Several times she told me she was going to the woods to hang herself, because she could not cope any longer. You can’t imagine how traumatic it is for a teenage boy to wait in front of the house, looking out for his mother to return and worrying “will she or won’t she…?” All this had a very bad effect on my psyche. I resolved then I would be tough. It occurred to me that it would be better for me this way. My mom’s suffering would not torment me anymore and I would not have to cry either, because this was a sign of weakness.
I lost all my bearings and, at the age of only 22, I found myself in jail with a five-year sentence. I had a record of previous convictions but they all ended in suspended sentences. Now, I would serve time in a penal institution. It did not scare me much, though. I remember my mother crying while I was unmoved. Nothing could move me then, as if I had a heart of stone. Even the sight of my six-month-old son, from a casual relationship with a girl that I did not even love, could not break the wall I surrounded myself with. Unfortunately, in jail, I did not learn anything good but only all that which leads to perdition: rudeness, slyness, fighting, watching pornography… I knew that half of the inmates returned to jail anyway, so I saw no sense in changing my life. I grew accustomed to the surroundings I had found myself in and they did not seem all that scary to me. Luckily, I at least finished my vocational school while being locked up. Before the end of my sentence I was let out on a pass. When the day I was to go out was approaching, I was more and more afraid of leaving the prison. I had to be pushed out, so to speak. The time of my first pass, I spent drinking alcohol with a friend. The second was already better – it was then that I met my future wife, Gosia.
The date of release from jail and getting a job arrived. Gosia helped with everything. And thus God embarked on his plan of reforming me through Gosia, who has always been a very firm believer. I started to attend church services but not for myself, only for her. I did not understand one bit of the Mass then. Sometimes I even slept during a sermon, not because it was boring but rather because nothing got through to me. The time of our engagement and later wedding came. Uttering the words of marriage vows, I did not understand their true sense. Actually, I did not believe in God at all then and I was cheating my future wife, but God continued to pursue his plan. Two years later, we had a son. It was beautiful but difficult. All the duties that a child brings, began to bother me after four years. I had not been involved in the upbringing of my first son and so I did not know that having a family meant dedication and a struggle with selfishness. I was not able to love and did not understand what true love was. Throughout this period I was addicted to pornography, which teaches a selfish attitude towards women: as if they were objects designed to satisfy men’s lust. In this way, Satan completely enslaved me. The worst thing is that I did not confess this sin and many others, too. I was ashamed to confess this sin before a priest and I did not know what an examination of conscience was supposed to look like, anyway. I accepted the body of Christ sacrilegiously, which opened the way for the devil to reach me and my family. My enslavement by pornography contributed to my undoing with my infatuation with another woman. I knew what I was doing was wrong but at that time nothing mattered, neither my son nor my wife, nothing but this acquaintance. I kept telling my wife that the acquaintance was nothing but a great colleague, a true chum – I believed this myself. I thought I could not live without her. I was sinking in this mire until my wife began to pray for me. During her prayers, I was angry. I behaved like a man without scruples, harming my wife and son… The Virgin Mary, however, listened to my wife’s prayers and pleaded with Jesus to have me reformed and restore my reason to me. Later, the first prayers with my wife started, with me kneeling down for prayer. It was getting better. I was lucky to meet good people and I finally got to understand the Mass. Later, we began to recite the Pompeii Novena together with a request for “pure heart and thoughts” for me. We went to a retreat of the Movement of Pure Hearts of Married Couples to Gródek upon Dunajec. It was my wife’s idea. I did not expect that it would be so beautiful there. I got along well with prayers, listened to great conferences on faith, God and marriage, as well as wonderful testimonies by young guys with a similar past to mine. Everyday, I attended Mass. It was only there that I was learning the truth about God, marital relations, what true love and family are. I felt as if I had been reborn… When I was praying with Gosia in the chapel before the icon of Jesus, his eyes, to my great amazement, went alive. He appeared to me during prayers and I felt his great love and embrace. Never before had I experienced such love from anybody. Even from my wife who loves me very much, because it is thanks to her prayers that I have been healed from everything which is evil: smoking, drinking, cursing, watching pornography, my anxieties, etc. After returning home, I continued to work on my faith and I still do. With my wife, I pray all the time saying the Pompeii Novena for various intentions – now for the reforming of my full sister. We also say the seven-day prayer Siege of Jericho for our friends and loved ones. The effects are incredible; these are signs given to us by God. One person, reformed after a whole-life confession, now says the novena to save his marriage; only half a year earlier, he ridiculed us and our prayers. Another person is getting ready for a wholelife confession and intends to begin a life with God. A third person has broken off an adulterous relationship with a married man from one day to the next and returned to her family. She wrote to us: “I don’t know what happened, but everything has changed, my feelings have changed, this cannot be explained,” and we replied to her letter: “It has been God who has changed you and he will continue to change further.” God works miracles – believe and pray for your families and friends. Everyone has a chance to reform, because God loves them and only he knows the way to their hearts, but somebody must pray for them. When I tell others of my turning into a new person, they say that I have gone crazy. But I don’t care. What counts is the truth and our salvation and that of our relatives and friends. In the previous year, a daughter was born to us and we have recently learned that we are expecting yet another member of our family. I am grateful to my beloved Wife for her prayers and perseverance in suffering, and I sincerely apologize for the evil she suffered because of me. Gosia, I love you very much and thank God for putting you in my way, and the Virgin Mary for not letting me waste this and putting an end to Satan’s plans regarding our family. God’s plan has been completed. May God bless and guard you all. Do not be afraid of turning over a new leaf and being ridiculed by others. Pray for them. God bless you! Daniel, aged 38 Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2017/2017-39/the-pompeii-novena-saved-our-marriage The above article was published with permission from Miłujcie się! in April 2021. Read more Christian articles (English)
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