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A testimony
In my early youth I fell into the habit of masturbation. I was in my teens when my friends and I began looking at the pornographic magazines that were then deluging the country. I did not know it was a sin. When after several years I realized that the habit was in fact sinful, I began to struggle with it, but this was by no means easy. Public television was now showing films with intimate scenes and, at night — films of a blatantly erotic nature. Though I never bought a single pornographic film, all this was pouring into my life from all sides. I read pieces by so-called therapists and psychologists who claimed there was nothing wrong with masturbation; that it was a perfectly natural thing to do, quite normal and harmless — and for a while I was at peace. Still, I could never entirely silence my conscience. Now I can say without any hesitation that such naïve statements are sheer nonsense and outright lies. I got married. We brought children into the world; but still the habit never left me. I thought I would never be rid of it. All this time my wife was none the wiser, but my life was becoming increasingly more difficult. I kept asking Jesus and Mary for help, but I trusted more in myself and was convinced that I could deal with my weakness on my own. One day I came to the realization that I loved neither my wife nor my children. I was simply incapable of loving anybody. I was a nervous presence in the family, constantly picked quarrels with my wife, and had no relationship to speak of with my children. But God did not forget me and, thanks to the intercession of Immaculate Mary, I received a great grace. A few years ago, quite by chance, I heard several testimonies on Radio Maria by listeners who had experienced the power of the rosary in their lives. I suggested to my wife and children that we pray the rosary every evening. To this very day we do this religiously. I did not have to wait long to realize the fruits of this potent prayer. Order was restored to our family. In addition, God granted me a wonderful grace. For a good while I have been going to daily Mass and receiving Jesus in Holy Communion. Every day I read the Holy Scriptures. My old habit is now a thing of the past. I let my wife into my dark secret and begged her forgiveness. God has forgiven me everything and I have entrusted the rest of my life to Him. I am now entirely His and I place all my hope in Him. I am a happy man learning to love everybody. In Jesus’ name I invite and encourage everyone to start feeding their soul by receiving the Body and Blood of the Jesus, by reading Holy Scripture, and praying. To choose any other way is to end up feeding and satiating nothing but one’s own body, closing oneself to happiness and never knowing what true beauty is. Accept Jesus and you will never know disappointment. I wish everyone this Love, which bides in my heart. Jesus is Lord!
Janusz
The above article was published with permission from Miłujcie się! in November 2010
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