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A testimony
In his war on man, Satan does not always resort to the expedient of suggesting evil thoughts. As often as not, he simply deflects good thoughts, which results in a stunting of our spiritual growth
When I was 14 years old my family left Poland to settle in Canada. Homesickness plunged me into a state of depression. By dwelling constantly on the past, I gave no thought to my future. I was angry. I became a passive atheist, unconsciously discarding everything that made me the person I was. At the age of 16, I started to drink, smoke, experiment with drugs, break the law, and mix with bad company. Then I discovered black magic and Satanism. I began listening to death and black metal music. I dabbled in my new religion, and even drew my friends into it. I had a demonic symbol tattooed on my right arm. Clearly, Satan had entered my life. Grief-stricken, my mother began to pray for me earnestly. I thumbed my nose at this, and made fun of her.
At the age of 18, I was arrested for robbery and expelled from school. I had hit rock bottom.
Shortly after this, God made it clear that He had heeded my mother’s prayers. From then on, Satan could no longer hide the truth from me. I gradually came to realize the seriousness of my situation. One night, something incredible happened. I was watching a film in which the heroine went to confession. The confessor told her, “God always speaks, but you do not always hear Him.” This intrigued me. After dwelling deeply on these words, I decided to see how true they were. For the first time in my life, I took a good look at my past and turned to God with these words, “Lord, if it is really true that you always talk to me, then I am ready to hear what you have to say. If you really exist, if you love me, and always speak the truth, then I am ready to follow you, since now I have nothing to lose.” To better dispose myself to listening, I decided to say a decade of the rosary as well as I could, and to put myself in the right mood, I decided to light a candle. At that time I was a compulsive smoker (I smoked almost a pack a day) but, by a strange coincidence, that evening I was unable to find any of my lighters. “Where’s my light?” I asked myself. Suddenly I heard a voice say, “It’s in your brother’s drawer.” I opened the drawer. On top of the drawer contents, I saw a picture of Our Lady of Czestochowa... God had taken me at my word. He had directed me not to my lighter, but to my light! I heard, I understood, and I believed. Suddenly, I felt the full weight of my sins and fell into a fit of sobbing. I begged God’s forgiveness and promised to repent. For a long while I wept like a baby. When I stopped, I found my lighter. I began to pray earnestly. At that moment, the satanic posters on my wall came loose and fell to the ground. I was terrified. Then the candle went out. I heard a terrible scratching or thumping sound on the door. I became paralyzed with fear. Finally, I went to the door and opened it. There was nothing there, or whatever was there was invisible. In any case, I could definitely hear the demon making off, for now God lived in my home and heart.
Religion seems to be out of synch with the times, fit only for dotards and those who have nothing better to do. The mass media portray religion in a negative light, as a “luxury for a handful of imbeciles.” Instead, modern music, movies and TV tout what is “cool,” and young people soak these things up like a sponge. In so doing, they think they are in tune with the times. Premarital sex, drugs, mindless talk – do these build us up in any way? Do they help us become better people? Will they help us become better mothers and fathers? Does this “progress” give us hope for the future?
Evil is “cool,” so we look to our friends and do as they do, and thus set a bad example for others. Everyone wants to be on the winning team, and these days there is such a thing as a team of evil. But from Jesus we know that it is precisely the so-called “losers” – the team of good and love – that will win in the end. He warns us that evil is doomed to lose out – for eternity. So if your team is losing at halftime, it by no means follows that it will lose the game. My conversion is a goal scored by the “good team” in the world cup finals. Let your sufferings count as more such goals for the good guys. If you are not ready to accept God unconditionally into your lives, then at least invite Him for a visit and allow Him to present the game plan to you.
God always speaks, but you do not hear Him. Seek out a moment of quiet and He will speak to you and heal your soul!
Raphael
The above article was published with permission from Miłujcie się! in November 2010
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