Dear Peter,

To understand why you ought to wait, first think about what God is telling you about love and sex. His views on these matters differ radically from those of modern and pagan times. The ancients worshipped gods and goddesses of sex. Today you can see a real cult of sex as well. You simply need to look at the flood of pornographic material, sex shops, exotic nightclubs, etc. Many writers of popular magazines are feeding young people the line that sexual pleasure and its most intense experience are what are most important. Their “morality” goes something like this: if you are physically capable of having sex, indulge this pleasure as much as you like. If only you have the urge and opportunity, you can satisfy your sexual desires without fear of consequences. Anyone with anyone. In any way. At every opportunity. These writers not only reject Jesus’ teaching about love and human sexuality, but also pervert these values, make a mockery of them.

 

As a free person you are perfectly entitled to reject the commandments. You can chose to believe all those who make fun of what our loving God says about sex. But first you owe yourself an answer to the following question: is there a logical argument disproving the truth of what Holy Scripture has to say about love and human sexuality? Scripture tells us “whoever rejects this, rejects not human authority but God” (1 Thes 4: 8). What does Holy Scripture teach us about sex? From the Book of Genesis (1:27-28) we learn that sex and sexuality are from God, and constitute a vital part of our humanity. Our Creator willed that the sexual act should be 1) an expression of love in marriage, 2) the locus in which he creates every human being, and 3) a source of great pleasure for the married couple. Sex and sexuality were created and given to us by God. There is nothing evil about this gift. Physical desire for the opposite sex, seeking physical union, and the pleasure attending the sexual act, are all part of our sexual make-up as created by God. In themselves, these things are good.

 

If we look at sex from the standpoint of biology, we see that the bodies of men and women are so constructed as to achieve the union of the sperm with the egg, and to give rise to new life. The sexual act is a locus of God’s powerful presence. It is there, in the physical union of a man and woman, that He lovingly creates a new person. For this reason, Holy Scripture sternly denounces homosexual relations, sodomy and other sexual perversions. These are contrary to the basic law of biology – the procreative function of sex. The only licit form of sexual union, according to the Bible, is that between a man and a woman joined in the indissoluble bond of marriage (Mt 19, 3-9). Naturally, not every sexual act gives rise to new life, but God also desires that the marital union express deep intimacy and total unity in love, so that husband and wife might indeed become one body.

Peter, you should know that a marriage is considered valid only when it is sexually consummated. We know from Scripture that the most important element is not sexual pleasure, but love and a person’s maturation in love. Everything has to be subjected to this process of maturation, and this includes the area of sexuality. All your sexual impulses and desire for physical union with Agatha are a sign that you are normal. Yet this sexual energy must be yoked to the law of love; otherwise, you will become its slave. You must realize that people who ignore the law of love (i.e. the commandments), and always seek to gratify their sexual desires, become slaves each time they feel sexual desire. Technically speaking, this is called sexual addiction. People enslaved by sexual pleasure will be egoistically focused on themselves. They will seek to satisfy their urges in ever more refined ways. Perhaps you are aware of the kinds of acts writers and editors of sex columns in magazines such as Bravo are inviting their readers to perform. They are simply demoralizing their readers by teaching them selfishness and enslavement to sex. Like drug traffickers, they are causing great harm to young people. Of such people Jesus says: “Woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes” (Mt 18, 7).

 

Peter, you and Agatha have an opportunity to mature in love, and so to prepare for the difficult yet magnificent responsibilities of married life. As in other ways, you can learn to love each another by harnessing the sexual drive to the law of love. If you truly love Agatha, you will not touch her body before marriage. Only when, through marriage, you have given her your lifelong pledge of fidelity and promise to be responsible for her and the children born of your union – only then will you have the right to express your love for Agatha in the sexual act. Since true love means taking responsibility for another person for the rest of your life, the sexual act will be an expression of your mutual love only when this condition has been met.

True love never dies. It is not subject to changing emotions or moods. Jesus Christ is the only guarantor of such love. That is why the sacrament of marriage is so necessary. It is the main reason why you should put off sexual relations. Remember that it is love that is most important. It is love that gives true happiness. That is why sex has to be harnessed to the law of love. As Scripture says: “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are beneficial. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything... The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body... Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Should I... make them members of a prostitute? Never!... Shun fornication!” (1 Cor 6, 12-20). The gift of sex will become a true good only when it is used for the purpose it is intended, that is, in the sacrament of marriage according to Christ’s law of love. If you truly love Agatha, you will wait. Otherwise, you will destroy your love.

 

Sincere greetings to you both, along with my prayerful hope that you will continue believing and trusting in Christ.